Ask Darling D: The One Who Won’t Go Away

Dear Darling D,

I’m an active online dater. I went on one date with someone three weeks ago and they won’t stop messaging me! I’m not interested in seeing them again. I’ve been politely declining their invites for us to hang out again, but it’s not just that. They message me random things throughout the day like we’ve known each other for years or something. I don’t mind being cordial with the person, but we don’t even know each other! Can you tell them to lay off for me? If not, please give me some advice so I can get them off my back.

Thank you for your help,

Elisabeth, Please Make Him Go Away

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Dear Elisabeth,

I’m going to assume you don’t feel threatened or like the situation is dire enough to be viewed as a serious harassment case. If that IS how you feel, please reach out to your local police department.

If this is all just annoying to you, and innocent on his account, this kind of thing happens with people semi-frequently. One person is more interested than the other, and that person tries hard to make something happen, not realizing the true lack of feelings on the other side. They say love is blind, right? People can miss the clues you’ve sent.

There are a lot of websites out there that will offer you tips and tricks for how to get rid of this guy, and all of them involve being subtle, sneaky, or shady (in my opinion). It takes a lot more effort to avoid, ignore, pretend to change numbers, think of excuses, and post tricky social media statuses than doing the one thing that makes the most sense, but is often not the first choice. That one thing you ask? BE HONEST.

I’ve been in this situation. Sometimes we feel bad for being honest because we don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings. I get it! But it’s better to tell the truth now, than tell a lie (or multiple) later that no one wants to hear. Does it take courage? YES. Could it take some finesse to sound polite and not come off like a jerk? SURE. But the best way to get this guy to cut the cord is by being direct.

In this situation, the simpler the better. Below I’ve outlined a simple way to organize your message to him that can work for guys, girls, and in multiple scenarios. I’ve filled in each section with an example for your situation specifically:

• Opening line:

o   Hey. I appreciated our date a few weeks ago and you seem like a nice guy.

• How you feel:

o   Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like we have a lot in common, and the things you’ve been messaging aren’t of great interest to me.

• What you want:

o   Out of respect to you, I’m not going to respond to your messages anymore. I’d appreciate the same respect in return.

• Closing line:

o   I wish you the best and hope you find what you’re looking for!

The truth = the end. There are no excuses, no apologies for why you feel the way you feel. It’s not unkind, it’s not rude. And once you’ve said your truth, you can stop feeling an obligation to respond or handle it any other way. The truth can be hard to say. But it’s easier to tell the truth once than lie, avoid, excuse, and sneak a bunch of times. Think of the energy you’ve already wasted trying to get him off your back!

If the situation turns extreme like I mentioned before, you may want to block him and report the incident to your local police station.

I believe you have the courage to be direct with this guy. And once you do it, you’ll have more time and energy for your other dates!

Cut that cord, girl!

Darling D