1 + 2 = Threesome

MATH IS HARD

There’s you. And your boo. And there’s that concept of another person joining the mix. Many men have fantasized about it (women too), and many women have been propositioned to engage in one: the ever intriguing THREESOME. Ménage a trois. Orgy. Call it what you want, the mathematical equation is the same. You + me + someone else = three.

Should you have one? Should you not? What should you consider? Let’s talk about it so you can make the best decision possible for you and your partner.

DEFINING THE INTERTWINING

There are a lot of things to dissect about threesomes. First let’s define what we mean for the purposes of this article. We’re talking about a threesome as an occasion during which three people engage in sexual activity together. There is the most commonly portrayed in media MFF (male/female/female) description of a threesome, as well as MMF (male/female/male). There are other variations as well, including three men or three women. Think about it from whatever vantage point tickles your fancy!

WHAT’S THE ALLURE?

In modern day media, the idea of a threesome is portrayed as an item on every straight man’s sexual bucket list. The concept is shown, discussed, eluded to, and joked about everywhere from soap operas and prime time TV to movies, porn, and even Saturday Night Live (who remembers the golden rule skit?).

The idea of being the object of simultaneous desire is one of the major appeals of a threesome. Not only does it mean one person wants to please you, but in this case TWO people do. There is psychology in play with this part of the allure. For men, being desirable enough to get two women into bed is a confidence builder. For women, it can validate their level of attraction.

There is also a level of biology at play with threesomes. Men have a biological urge to procreate and ‘spread his seed’ (am I the only one who hates that phrase?), so when there are two women involved in a threesome it increases his chances to do just that. Women may have less of a desire to engage in a threesome from a biological standpoint because there is no added benefit for a female. The way procreation is viewed biologically for women, they want to select a mate that possesses the best possible genes for her offspring. A male/female/female threesome doesn’t offer her that, though a male/male/female.

Double the pleasure, double the fun right? That’s another part of the mystique of threesomes. There are more body parts to enjoy, kiss, touch, lick and suck – for all parties. For those that want more, threesomes are enticing.

TO DO OR NOT TO DO?

Engaging in a threesome is a decision no one can make for you except for you. If it’s something you’re contemplating, there are some things to consider before getting in bed with all those bodies. While there are physical pleasures to enjoy, there are also emotional aspects of the threesome game so you want to be sure to make an informed decision before you get naked with higher numbers.

Set and stick to boundaries:

This is huge. If you are part of a duo that is looking to add a third person for a night, setting boundaries with your partner in advance is critical. There can be rules about who the third will be, where you each can/cannot touch, how far each of you is able to go with the third party, etc. Jealousy can rear its ugly head at a very inopportune time if you don’t set boundaries before engaging in a threesome. This conversation should be exhaustive! Talk about every single thing you can think of to prepare for and set a boundary around. If you’re the third party looking for a couple to play with, know your own limits so when couples approach you with their desires you know who will and won’t be a match for you.

Know and do the sex health stuff:

No one likes talking about this part, but it’s even more important in a threesome than a twosome. STDs and infections have a high chance of spreading between two people, so the chances of that happening when a third person is added to the mix is even higher. It’s important to know any STDs or health risks of all parties involved with a threesome, and using barriers for all sexual activities is important to preserving your own sex health. It will be more fun doing this leg work than dealing with an unintended consequence later from not protecting yourself!

Be up front about what you’re looking for in a third party:

When it comes to finding person number three, it’s important to be straightforward with them. Once you’ve decided on the type of person to engage as the ‘three’ in ‘threesome,’ approach them with a direct request like, “We both find you very attractive. Could we all play together some afternoon when you are free?” While the invitation may be declined, it’s a forthright, complimentary one. Yay or nay, asking politely for what you’re looking for is the best and fastest way to find your extra person.

Know your ego:

Even with all the expectations, protection and direct communication there is still another piece at play: your ego. Know why you want to have a threesome in the first place. Is it a fantasy of yours? Do you feel pressure by your partner or expectations of someone else? Are you trying to fix an issue within your relationship? Do you want to feel more desired? Be real with yourself about why you’re looking to have one in the first place, as well as your ability to handle the aftermath of the threesome. Once you see your partner enjoying sex with someone else, you can’t un-see that. That doesn’t bother some, and it very much bothers others. Know your why, and know if you can handle any potential awkwardness that may come after the threesome takes place.

Engaging in group sex has a unique appeal and distinct difficulties for every person involved. They can be HOT! And they can go south if you’re not prepared. Ultimately, the decision between having one in real life versus fantasizing about it is up to you. Whether you choose 1 +1 = 2 or 1 + 2 = 3, I hope it’s the best math equation you’ve ever had!