Ask Darling D: We Like Different Kinds of Fun

Dear Darling D,

My boyfriend and I are very different. It’s an “opposites attract” thing, but sometimes it causes problems. One thing happening lately is that we’ve been arguing about the types of “fun” we have. I love to be social, going out, and experiencing things. He’s more low-key; he likes to stay home and chill. I don’t mind that sometimes, but lately it seems like all he wants to do is stay in and have “us time” home doing nothing. How can I get him out of the house for more of my kind of fun?

Thank you,

Christy, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

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Dear Christy,

It’s both fun, and challenging, when opposites attract. There are so many great things about being with someone different than you – the perspective you learn, the different things you do, etc. That said, it also means there can be challenges working through certain differences. But how to have fun is something you can definitely work through!

Here’s a little formula I believe in when it comes to many types of issues in relationships:

CONVERSATION + QUESTIONS = COMPROMISE

With some solid communication and good questions (asking good question is SO important), it’s way easier for a compromise to be reached. If you two aren’t talking, or are talking but not effectively, you can get to a standstill and that’s when frustration really starts to mount.

Here’s my suggestion for having a conversation with Mr. Fun Sponge that gets to a positive result:

• Ask him what he likes/doesn’t like about going out: Is it the crowds? Does he worry about spending a lot of money? Does he not like loud places? Is he just not interested in trying new things? Find out his pro and con list for having your type of fun.
• Ask him what he likes about staying home: What’s the ‘why’ behind doing that particular thing? Has he always been a homebody? Is he more comfortable in a place he’s familiar?
• Share the same with him: Your turn! Tell him what you like/don’t like about staying in all the time. And tell him the reasons why you like doing the things you like to do. The key here: it’s a two-way street! Ask good questions, allow him to tell you his answers, and then reciprocate. You can’t compromise without understanding answers to both sides of things!
• After that, come to an agreement: This is where the COMPROMISE comes in. Based on what you both now know, what adjustments or parameters can you agree to so you each still get to have your kind of fun, but it’s more enjoyable for the other person?

For example, if you now know he hates going out in big crowds, can you limit the number of jam-packed dance floors you tear up and try something less in-his-face? Or do a date night with another couple instead of 20 friends?

As for staying home, is he willing to switch up the ‘what-you-do-at-home’ routine? If he just likes to watch Netflix with you in bed, how can he change up the what-you-do-at-home part of staying in? Maybe you could try a game night or plan a weekend trip together. Switch it up. What is good middle ground?

It’s very possible to work through this so you BOTH have a good time, no matter whose type of “fun” you’re having! Remember: CONVERSATION + QUESTIONS = COMPROMISE. I know a happy compromise is in your near future!

All in good fun!

Darling D