Normally on this site, “putting a ring on it” might be a post about why, how and when to use a cock ring (which, by the way, is an awesome toy to use and you can find a bunch of good ones here). However, I’m switching it up instead to tell the tale of my experience with my partner putting a ring on it…aka proposing! In one week’s time, I got engaged and also helped a friend of mine get engaged. So, lots of rings, lots of planning, and lots of being on cloud nine! I won’t bore you with the details of our proposal, but through my personal experience and helping my friend, there are some little nuggets I think are worth throwing out there when you are thinking about putting a ring on it.
My partner and I always knew we’d get married (seriously, like from the beginning. It was weird how fast we knew we found our person!). We went to look at rings over the summer to get an idea of what we both liked and based on discussions I figured we’d get married in the first half of next year and married in the back half of next year. We recently moved back from living overseas and have had a whirlwind two months since then – we’ve traveled to and worked in five different locations each in that timeframe. I say that to say…I had no idea this was coming! Which, looking back, was one of the five components of a proposal to consider. But first…
My friend visited New England with me two years ago, and since that time knew she wanted to propose to her partner in New England in the fall. Her partner had never experienced the fall foliage and as nature lovers, my friend knew it would be special. Our group of friends planned a trip and all parts of her proposal – the hike, the perfect spot, the champagne, the dinner, etc.
And with the setup of those two stories, I present to you five considerations of a proposal!
For most engagements, there will be some sort of plan. It doesn’t have to be grandiose and planned out to the nines, but unless you spontaneously pop the question without something to put on your partner’s finger, you will likely have thought about the scenario a tiny bit.
So that’s one of the first question to ask yourself: do you want to plan it out, or do you want it to be an intuitive decision where you just do what feels right when it feels right? My sweet man did some incognito work setting up a dinner with my family while I was also trying to set up dinner with my family (Sneaky McSneakerton!). My friend did a ton of work planning out an entire vacation with her partner and all the details of the where, when and how she would propose.
How off-guard do you want to catch your partner? Do you need to involve other people in a surprise? Do what feels right to you, so you’re able to be as authentic as possible!
With your plan, think about if you feel the need to have some sort of special meaning with where/how you propose. For example, my love proposed at a restaurant where my family has had family celebrations for my entire life. It’s the oldest Italian restaurant in the country, and I took him there to meet my cousins. He loves it as much as I do, and it has a special meaning for me, and for us.
Do you want to do it at a specific place that means something to you and/or your partner? Or maybe you want to propose at a generic place you both enjoy (i.e. the beach, a walking trail, etc.)? Do you both love your home and want to propose where you feel most comfortable? There are a bajillion places in the world you can ask the love of your life to marry you, but you get to choose how meaningful or new the place is when you get down on one knee! Any place you propose will also have meaning after the proposal is done!
Big question: Do you want to ask with just the two of you, or do you want others to be there? My fiancé is a private person. I could have sworn he would ask me somewhere when it was just him and I. Another reason I was surprised by him – my family was there! My friend knew she wanted to ask her love while we were on a group trip, but she also wanted to ask the big question privately. That’s why we set up a hike and picked out a private spot for her to have her big moment. Then we were all able to celebrate together afterwards.
If you want to involve other people, that’s great! Get them to help you plan, with little details, whatever your plan requires. If you choose to involve people, they usually feel privileged and happy to help you with your marital quest. Also consider who you can trust to not spill the beans! My parents knew my fiance was going to propose, but they didn’t tell my sisters because they knew one of them would let it slip.
If you want to ask solo, high five! Have your private moment and celebration. And know that at some point there will likely be a solid text chain or list of phone calls to be made.
WHAT YOU SAY
I did not have to personally think about what I would say because I knew I would not be proposing myself. But for my man, and for my friend, they did. Here’s what I learned through them!
Don’t overthink it. If you plan out a huge memorized speech, you may be more nervous than you will already be
If you want to say certain things and not forget them, you can put your words in a card to give to your love
K.I.S.: Keep it simple!
I remember the three simple sentences my fiancé said to me. And I will always remember them. Say what’s true for you, whether that’s a lot or a little!
Ohhhh the ring! There are lots of social norms regarding an engagement ring, but lots of those things are being replaced with cool new trends. I happen to like diamonds, and my love gave me the most perfect ring I’ve ever seen! Lots of people are proposing with gem stones, moon stones, wooden rings, lab-grown diamonds, etc. In my opinion, there is no wrong way to propose and give a symbol of your love!
I will say, through both my boo and my friend’s experience, there are a few things to think about with the ring:
Know your budget. Be smart.
Know what you like and what your partner likes. Back in the day I never would have considered looking for a ring together. But figuring out what we both liked, what looked good on me, etc. was a very helpful and healthy activity for my partner and me.
Shop around. There are lots of places that sell rings, so make sure you’re getting a good deal, good customer service, a positive experience and a good after-experience (warranties, future purchases, etc.)
Buy something you like, your partner will like, and that you will be proud to give your partner.
Whether it’s bling or a piece of string, think about what you and your future fiancé want in a ring.
GET DOWN ON ONE KNEE AND ASK…WILL YOU MARRY ME?
When you decide you’ve found your forever person, and you think about the plan/surprise, the meaning, the who you involve, the what you say, and the ring, get excited to do the d@mn thing! Execute your plan, pop the question, and put a ring on it. And then get ready for all that comes with engagement and preparing to be married!
Hey everyone! I'm Darling D and so happy to be at your service here on the site. I'm a high energy lover of love, sex, and open conversations! I write posts on all relationship related topics and answer any questions you have in the Darling D advice column. I want you to have your best relationship and sex life possible!