Ahh, hook ups. They remind me of my very young adult days. And the older days when the definition switched from one meaning to a much more forward meaning. And the different types I’ve had. And the types I never had. And as I’m having these thoughts, I realize…we need to hook up the conversation on hook ups!
I THINK IT’S THIS, DO YOU THINK IT’S THAT?
I may be dating myself here, but back in the day “hooking up” meant you made out, fooled around, touched some things with another person. It did not include the very descriptive phrase “doing it.” A more innocent version of the more modern definition. At some point hooking up went from the aforementioned definition to meaning home base, all the way, doing the damn thing and likely spending the night. Well okay then! Essentially these days, hooking up is translated to casual sex. Which is very prominent in young adulthood (and older adulthood) before people commit to long-term relationships.
Hook ups can definitely be hot! When things are casual, there are few to no strings attached. Which means you can hook up, have a blast, and walk away feeling only the high of a sexual encounter without deeper attachment or the intricacies of a full relationship. They’re strictly pleasure-based.
Hook ups can have a sexy allure of being with someone you hardly know, being with someone you shouldn’t be with or being with someone you see in a new light. They can also teach you about your sexual preferences, give you confidence in your sexuality, and teach you new things you didn’t know about.
There is a lot of potential on the sexy scale of how hot hook ups can be. Think about all the casual sex you see in the media! TV, reality TV, movies – we see it all the time. While those examples may be romanticized and not all “real,” they definitely leave us titillated thinking about our next hook up.
WHAT KINDS OF HOOK UPS ARE THERE?
I’m pretty sure there are countless examples of the people, places, and things that have made up an example of a hook up for someone. Below are some of the most common ones reported with young adults. How many types have you had on this list? How many types have you had off your list? Some will make you shake your head in shame, while others will have you high-fiving yourself for the rest of your life.
The friend with benefits hook up:
o The jury is out on how easy or successful this type of hook up is, but nevertheless it is a popular one! Two friends have an attraction and decide to get a little extra something-something out of their friendship. Many times, it leads to one person feeling more strongly than the other and wanting something more, but there are plenty of people who can maintain a friendship while choosing to keep the sex separate from it.
The secret hook up:
o Shh, this one can be extra hot! The reasons for keeping a hook up a secret are aplenty – it could be someone you work with, a friend in the same friend-group as you, someone your friends don’t approve of, or a neighbor. The list goes on! But for whatever the reason, this hook up requires some extra attention to details to cover communication trails, where and when you’re seen, etc. For some people that’s a turn on.
o It could be good. It could be bad. When you’re experimenting, it is one of the first things on people’s lists to try. And often when things are casual.
The repeat hook up:
o Oh me oh my – this hook up often happens with exes. The ex it never seems to be over with. Sometimes it’s because there are lingering feelings from the relationship, and sometimes it’s out of boredom and comfort. Whatever the reason, this hook up will have more success if the reason for the hook up is mutual!
The forbidden hook up:
o JUICY. Why would a hook up be forbidden? Maybe it’s with a friend’s ex. Maybe it’s with a boss or subordinate. Tread lightly!
The older hook up:
o They’ve traveled abroad, speak three languages, have their life together and are way more mature than your everyday crew. There’s a special fascination with this kind of hook up. And oh, the experiences they’ve had in bed…that can make for a very educational hook up for you.
The younger hook up:
o The opposite of above! Someone looks to you as wiser and accomplished, which makes you puff your chest out a little. It feels good to be admired, and the younger person in this isn’t too bad themselves!
The summer fling:
o The most featured hook up in movie history. It may involve more heart than your usual hook up since there is a known end date but who doesn’t love having someone to share all the summer traditions with (besides sex)?
The public place hook up:
o Sometimes the pleasure neurons take over and your desires can’t wait until a bedroom is available. Hooking up in a public place is often used in relationships as a technique to spice things up, but still take place between two people keeping it casual! As for what kinds of public places, I invite you to comment your favorite public hook up below!
The hate hook up:
o Hate is a strong word. There are plenty of examples of this in media, but one of my favorites is Chuck and Blair from Gossip Girl. There’s a scene where they proclaim their hatred for each other and it turns into a hot hook up (followed by many years of a complicated relationship). Whether it’s opposition with schools, politics, or friends sometimes you find yourself feeling hot for someone when you feel a little sense of hate.
IT’S NOT ALL RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS
Hook ups, as discussed, can be a fun way to enjoy your singlehood. But alas, there are things to be mindful of in order to protect yourself – heart and health included.
o It’s easy to have a little giddiness after a hook up. Butterflies, excitement, all the rainbows and unicorns! It’s an expected response. Just be mindful of that developing into real feelings, thinking or saying, “I love you!” unnecessarily, or crossing a boundary you don’t want to cross.
o Panic can happen if, after the giddy feelings subside, you wonder: “were we safe?” or “we agreed this was casual and nothing more, right?” Panic about these kinds of thoughts can mean a conversation might have to take place before the next hook up to make sure there’s no panic next time.
o You barred it all with someone you just met. They’ve seen your bits, how you look in the morning, and now you’re feeling a bit vulnerable. Some people think sex is just sex, and that’s the whole point with casual sex and hook ups. But it’s still an intimate act and sensitivity can come after sharing that with someone. Know
The quick exit:
o As fast as hook ups come, they can just as quickly go. With or without notification, communication, or appreciation. If you go into hook ups knowing the end is possibly always near, you won’t feel a sense of heaviness each time someone peaces out and you’re left to find someone else looking for some casual coitus.
Hooking up can be fun! And it’s also not for everyone. Know yourself, your boundaries, and always be safe!