SAY IT AIN’T SO
Old rumors: women get tired of giving BJs. Men don’t return the favor. You hear those ‘jokes’ in TV and movies a lot. Some of these stigmas still exist, but research shows oral sex is on the rise. Woohoo! But if either of the rumors are true for anyone else, that breaks my heart a little. Oral sex is an amazing part of sexual intimacy and I want every man and every woman to rejoice in giving AND receiving oral sex. So let’s talk about it!
WHAT IT IS
Google defines oral sex as: sexual activity in which the genitals of one partner are stimulated by the mouth of the other; fellatio (men) or cunnilingus (women). There are many other ways to say it. For those with a penis: blow job, giving head. For those with a vagina: eating out, go down on. The list of slang terms for oral sex for both men and women is lengthy, interesting, and where-do-people-come-up-with-this-stuff worthy. Google at your own risk!
When we’re talking about oral sex here, we’re talking about the way Google defines it. Playing below the belt, using your mouth, on another person.
WHAT ARE WE SO AFRAID OF?
As someone who loves to both give and receive oral sex, it is hard for me to remember the days of being afraid of doing it. But with a little research, there are two main reasons I found people are afraid to go down under:
I get it, hygiene is real, and lack-thereof can be a turn off when it comes to stuffing your face in someone’s private parts. If that’s the fear, it comes down to communicating to ask them to ‘clean up’ prior to engaging it pantsless play. My partner willingly volunteers to shower if I want to pleasure him but he’s been hot and sweaty, and vice versa. Because we want to feel good receiving, and we want to feel good about each other sticking their mouths down there. But sometimes you may have to ask! Start by asking and then the expectation can be set that YES, I’m down to go down, but a quick clean up first is a must.
This one relates mostly to people who are inexperienced. Again, it’s a real fear. I remember being a teenager giving head for the first time. It’s scary when you don’t know what you’re doing! These days there are countless articles, YouTube videos, and information everywhere that can help you up your knowledge which will translate into increased performance once you put that knowledge into practice. You can’t get better at something if you don’t DO that something! Be patient with yourself, ask for feedback, listen to cues from your partner. Your oral sex skills will get better!
WHY SHOULD WE DO IT
YES, my favorite part – advocating for third base! Advocating for getting up close and personal with privates! The list is SO good and SO worth overcoming your fear and diving into the pleasure party.
It increases the chances for orgasm
Oral sex provides a greater opportunity for orgasm, particularly for women. The beauty of oral sex is that there is steady, ongoing stimulation so there is no need to rush. It’s a stream of feel-good for the other person. Women sometimes need to be stimulated for a longer period of time than men so giving oral sex to a woman is the perfect way to give her the right kind of stimulation to be able to have an orgasm. If a woman doesn’t climax from the oral sex, she may find herself more ready to orgasm during penetrative sex after the oral has been given. For either gender, we know why orgasms are good: they can reduce stress and depression due to the hormones released when you reach O-land. If your partner is stressed, why not go down on them to quite literally ease the pain?
It provides focused, selfless attention on someone else
Giving oral sex is an act of love because it is time you spend solely focused on bringing pleasure to someone else. With penetrative sex, you may want to rock their world but sometimes what you feel is so good you can’t help but get lost in how good it feels for you. But with oral sex, there are no distractions to curtail the main event of giving that person an orgasm…such as worrying about your own orgasm. It shows you care enough to put the complete focus on them and think about their pleasure above your own.
It increases intimacy in the relationship
Let’s be real. There’s nothing more intimate than someone’s head all up in your lady/man bits rummaging around. But when it happens, it helps keep things fun and makes you feel close to your partner. When you can be totally at ease with them doing their thing down there while they invite you to just lay and enjoy, it sets a positive stage for other areas of your relationship and sex life.
You learn more about what you like and what your partner likes
Oral sex is a great opportunity to vocalize what you like, don’t like, and guide your partner to/away from those things. You can moan appreciatively to encourage something that feels amazing, you can gently move their head or hands if something does not feel great, and you can comment kindly to them about where to go, how fast or slow, etc. The intimacy created by oral sex goes hand in hand with learning about what you and your partner enjoy and being able to communicate those things.
You feel good making your partner feel good
This is my favorite reason why we should engage in oral sex. IT FEELS GOOD TO MAKE YOUR PARTNER FEEL GOOD! I love knowing I bring pleasure to my person. In the moment I feel sexy, strong, and empowered when I make him moan and bring him to his O. It’s similar to the effect of giving time or money to a charity or person – when we help another person, we feel good about ourselves as well. The same transpires in the bedroom!
Mouths are one of my favorite body parts. It’s the vessel through which I communicate love and kindness to the world with my voice. My lips smile and bring light to other people’s days. My lips kiss the love of my life and communicate to him how much I love him. AND, my mouth is also a way to bring one of the best kinds of pleasure to my person. Let’s use our mouths for good, people!